Maineyiac!! How I Love Vacationland

Lean on me;/

Darling Be Home Soon- Joe Cocker Cover 1969
Cathedral- Crosby, Stills & Nash
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Kennebunkport, Me. July's end 2014

I love Maine. My brother lived here for years- some years ago. He gave me this term. You ready? People who love Maine are...wait for it...Maineyiacs! Elbow, elbow. Hey it's summer-you must have some corn! I am a Maineyiac. We have been here for a month with one week to go and I am sad beyond words to leave. Seriously, if I weren't a person who hates long bouts of bitter cold, I could live here for sure. The music, the people, the food, the vistas, the people, the people. Yet, it is cold. As it is in New York, I start to bottom out by the end of March, by April I'm done for. I have PTSD. Post Traumatic Snow Disorder. The climate isn't all that different in Maine, and the people so wonderful, I would do it. Yet, I've been watching myself for years. That last stretch of about 4 more weeks of winter Maine maintains while NY thaws, would make me light myself on fire and toss my own ashes.* I will remain, God willing, a 'summer person.' That's what they call us. Summer people. Amongst other things. Ha, here's one. On the beach one day this charming lady from Canada, told me a kid from Massachusetts insulted her son. Her son asked him to build a sandcastle and the child said, "No, thank you." "Can you imagine? Who says that?!" I hated to admit that my oldest says it to anyone who comes within in twenty feet of him for any reason. Yet, I agreed with the Canadian woman, of course it's perculiar, but arent we raising peculiar? Anyway, I was proud that my son wasn't afraid of boundaries and said thank you. So I found this to be a rather small gripe. Well, small for me, it got her miffed. She put her hand up to her face-shielding her mouth so that only I could hear, "...that's why they call them Massholes." Haha. I couldn't believe it, I'd never heard anything like that. I didn't agree, but I am fond of word play. How great. "Is that right?" I asked. "Oh, you can bet ay, big Massholes."

Everyday, except for the two times we had visitors and it poured (that put an end to having visitors;) it's been a beautiful Maine day. Sunny, hot, breezy, with cool nights, breathtaking sunsets, flying bugs the size of small planes-yikes and oh, I almost forgot, ticks. I pulled one, like a hysteric out of my ankle while shaving, bad move. Then one from my ear, while driving. One from Henry's ear, a nymph. That's another sorta problem. Nothing, anywhere with anybody comes without a trade-off.

I've never seen so many cemeteries. Along with the staggering beauty of the homes dated 1810, 1709, 1645. I was struck by the amount of cemeteries. Everywhere you look there's another headstone with a persons name on it; in front yards, side streets, hiking trails. Each with an attribution rubbed out over time, (naturally, because it doesn't seem like anyone has died here since 1904?) less the words, 'DIED' 'Blessed God' and a date somewhere between 1535 and 1848.

Being a horrible person, I did briefly wonder if they weren't all legitimately from that era. Was it possible that some people found a family member had flat-lined and asked, "So, where should we bury Dad?" Hmm, here's good." (Son, picks his eye tooth and points to a spot near the end of their property line.) "Pick up a solid stone rectangle-scratch 1842 into it, no one'll know the difference." Then Pops is buried toe-up in the front yard looking like a piece of Americana when really he's circa 2013. It was just a thought. Relax. I quickly realized I was savagely irreverent. Bad, bad Sue-sue.

Listen, burials aren't cheap and they sure do add to the history of a place.

That said...when it's my time? *Incinerate my person and spread my ashes out over the NoPa. If you don't know what NoPa is, it's not your job, so don't bother trying to figure it out. Simply no burials for me. Property lines change. Nobody's going to build a road around this gals tombstone- so keep your money in your wallet family- or spend it on a flight to NoCal and cast me asunder.*

Short break for my WILL AND TESTAMENT-If indeed cash becomes too tight for flight- I might not mind (my dead self might not mind) being scattered in the ocean by Ogunquit, Me or Fortunes Rocks, Me. Which is remarkably similar to parts of the craggy Northern California coast and where I am spending the summer with my family now as we did two years ago. Kennebunkport, Goose Rocks Beach, Gooch's, Cape Porpoise, Kennebunk, Portland. Southern Maine. It is heaven. Heaven with a lot of cemeteries. My mind has changed from thinking of them as spooky to ubiquitous and as regular as living. To live is to die. It's so much more personal and intimate to have the plots on your property. It shows lineage and pride. As well, the plots make a fine juxtaposition amidst the salt of the earth Mainers I've encountered whom I've found royal at the art of living. They are lobster men, they are gentiles, they are kayaking, praying, painting, writing, gardening, crafting, creating, communicating, building, biking, fishing, harvesting, eating well, surviving long cold winters that blossom into stunning summers. They are living abutted to those that have earned their mortality by doing the same- generation by generation.

History is shouting out. Sometimes quite sadly. Upon closer inspection, I've too often found a headstone with the date etched stating the departed didn't live past 23 or worse that they died before they had the chance to lose their first baby tooth. What our forefathers did to get us here...how they endured spending an entire day churning butter had me staggering. Losing a child? Children? How can I not be flooded with reverence? What holy grace. My favorite cemetery, (there's a sentence I never thought I'd hear myself say), is the Hutchins Familys' on Arundel Rd, in Kennebunkport. Strictly fascinated by that family. It seems they were hit hard in 1840 and 1848. They lost, from what I gleaned four children, one 3yrs and 3mos. My six year old pointed it out and added, "Hey, that's how old Henry is!" Our youngest is 3yrs and 3mos. I looked at him differently. I wanted to know how those parents endured, what caused all of those deaths? What saved them? My research has come up empty. Many old families have donated tons of acreage to preserve the land by creating The Conservation Trust. It's a fabulous testament to their character. I met a woman on a trolley ride who had not a tooth in her head but was proud that her great-granddaddy donated all of their inheritance to the people living and visiting "Vacationland." I had to look away. Does it get any less selfish? I would pick my having teeth over the masses enjoying great-granddaddy's backyard any day, and twice on Sundays. I'll work on that.

Goose Rocks Beach

I went for a run yesterday morning. "Run" may give you the wrong idea. I'm more a dancer, walker, spinner with some running mixed in than a straight-up runner. I'm like Billy Elliot out there. (Currently playing at the Ogunquit Playhouse.) Likely, I looks insane. But who's on the road? Not many. Mostly me. And other Maine-iacs. I put on my playlist, (this morning was Songza's 90's work out jam...who had it better than us coming up in the 90's. Awesomely bad, "uhuhuhuhuhuh Let me clear my throat!") and hve the time of my life. People are so friendly. Everyone smiles and waves. It's pristine. I like the country. I never want to leave.

The Sugar Shack
"Like a kid in a candy store"

However, Portland is no slouch. What a fabulous city. Aside from the great museum and that it's on the water. It's like hipsters on steroids. So much cool. The Freedom Farm where we are staying, I will dedicate an entire post to. Suffice it to say, it came with a turntable. Portland has a great little shop, Strange Maine, (pictured below), where I picked up some epic LP's everything from Lovin' Spoonful to RunDMC. There were two guys outside talking about astrology, hello!? Speaking my language much? Later, we stopped at  Two Fat Cats Bakery, cause my oldest is a sugar addict, and we enablers. The guys in there were too cute for words. So young, with requisite beards, they created all these delicious fresh baked yummies made with locally sourced ingredients. Turns out their Woopie Pies were voted best in the country or something. I'm not huge on sweets, I've never actually had a Woopie pie, but I had one that day. Yes. And more yes. Award them.

"This reminds me so much of Brooklyn," I said to the cashier. He looked to be about 30 with his heavy beard, but was probably closer to 22. He also looked 5'2"/180lbs with his heavy beard but was probably closer to 5'8" and 135lbs.

"Oh, yea," he smiled, his voice was kind and groovy. "It's kinda similar with the locally sourced

Gettya LP's on

ingredients and all."

"They're shaving their beards in Brooklyn," I whispered. "Just.. noticing that. Was there recently."

"Oh, really?" he laughed, stroking his massive reddish face-fur, "thanks for the heads up."

"Yea, I think you've got like 4 months max left with that," I said quietly with a wink that said he would thank me later.

"So, will it be just the Woopie pies and the brownie?" he asked, laughing.

Haha. We have fun. I'm glad he didn't give me any advice. :D *I don't want to know what they call people from New York. Actually, yes I do! I hope it's just as hilarious.

Oh! Another thing, well there are so many more things, but everyone has an American Flag. Ours is rolled up on it's side in the garage on Long Island getting all kinds of filthy. With the amount of history and country pride, one, (this one) could feel like a gosh darn commie. What a disgrace. Here, in patriotic Southern Maine, Old Glory is out and about. She's hanging off of cars, mailboxes, trucks, garages, barns, boats, lit up on poles...and of course marking too many a headstone in those beautiful, sacred cemeteries.

snorkel for hermit crabs

catch a 5th of july parade (rained on 4th)

Cigarette ad on Trolley built in 1912

Can you believe how cool Mom is? No! 

Outward Bound, Sail Sail Sail

Nymph deer tick looks like a poppyseed

stop and snell the wild flowers

Kayack

Great BLT's

Hurchins Family Cemetery 

By Richard Estes- couldn't agree more.

They said Bellows used chartreuse "a color not found in nature" but I found a  chartreuse snail at Goose rocks.

Guitar Hero

 He had just returned from taking our eight year old to an electric guitar lesson.

Pictures that he will hate me for
in no time. Then understand when it's his time.

"This kid, like 35, at the music place, told me about a game where Colbert can plug in his guitar to the Wii U and play along," Danny said.

"Kid" and "35" didn't seem to totally go together- but my bigger battle was insuring not another piece of Wii U paraphernalia came into the homestead. 

"Whatever happened to doing things the old fashioned way?" I wondered out loud. "Like using the guitar app on the iPad?"

"Yea," Danny said, walking out of the room.  I'm gonna get it anyway.

Then Colbert came in to pitch the same spiel. 

He props his music on the ledge
and picks out the chords.

"Hey Mom, there was this guy at the lesson place that said we can buy a cool thing for the Wii U," he said.

"The 35 year old?" I asked. 

"Yea, this old guy," he said.

Ha!

But, I'm sure "35" and "old" don't go together either. Right?! 

SpunkerFLY Woman of The Month: NickMom's Andrea Rosen

Mother's Day Movie Pick: The Blindside - rent it on demand. 

Song: I love a rainy night, by Eddie Rabbit. I remember my mom singing with us in the satin wagon- with no seat belts or car seats. So fun.  

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms and soon-to-be moms, and to those that miss their moms:) And my soul moms. If I missed a group- Happy to you too! Congratulations Andrea on your newest bundle of joy. 

Pop Quiz! Can you say Mom 30x fast? Our 3 year old can. All day. It's such a blast. Not that kind of blast. The sort of atomic blast that severs my nerves. I could use some SOS in the patience department. Where to turn? Take Me To Your Mother, Nickmom. 

Andrea & cast from (our family fave) Old Spices
Smellcome to Manhood Commercial 

Yet, even the best of us can learn something from Take Me To Your Mother on Nickmom.  Andrea Rosen, new mama of two is the star, with a newborn baby boy. YAY! Congratualtions. On the show Andrea spends time with mothers from all walks of life and talks to them about parenting. What makes the show so fun to watch is Andrea. Alright, I said it. Take Me To Your Mother is great, I love the mom's she meets. However, for me, she's the captain and caboose. No one reacts the way she does, which is the way we'd want to but never be quick enough.   Andrea's eyeballs speak to us in an aside as if we're in the room. It's so funny to me, because it's so her!  Andrea can do that with anything. TMTYM is the perfect vehicle for her warmth, humor while getting to the point. That is not easy. At the exact moment when you think, well you're not sure what to think, Andrea looks over or says something that clears it all up. We're one again. Andrea is like Ellen Degeneres and all of the best comediennes because everybody is in on the joke, or the experience. There's a lot of laughter,  born (no pun) from the humor that comes out of ordinary people doing an extraordinary thing- raising their child(ren).

What doesn't seem ordinary at first are all of the many subsects and brands of mothers out there. Thats where Take Me To Your Mother Takes us. Who knew there were so many camps and styles and practices? Well, okay you did, but do you ever really think about them? Take Me To Your Mother is a way to peak inside, gain some understanding, and feel better, we'll all be okay. Andrea is also in Episodes on Showtime with Matt LeBlanc. She did 3 episodes of it last season and it looks like she'll be back next season. I really couldn't be happier for her. She's one of the good ones. 

How we "met":

I was on the UES going to NYU, my dear roommate had a brother. He not only secured us an apartment, but he got me a job. His friend Sean- (OMG- Andrea, Do you remember Sean?!)  I met Sean the manager at E.J.'s Luncheonette, he schooled me for about 15 minutes on the art of scooping ice cream and making shakes. He stressed the importance of a proper malted. I didn't think he was kidding. An hour later I was in an apron meeting Andrea. I messed up almost every order. Every table got a malted. Andrea helped me scoop, malt, and most of all, laughed me back to health. Once she ordered her milkshakes in a British accent, "I'd lyke two black and whyte milkshakes, now Susan I CUHNT have them malted, I just CUHNT." she said. "Ahndrea, you CUHNT say CUHNT in a restauRUHNT." We thought that was the funniest. Well, I did.  It was a busy place and I had no idea how tight the crew was.  Andrea had me join along anyhwere they went- Come to Swifts, Come to ...I have early onset Alzheimers but wherever it was she included me, and that was huge. They'd all worked together for like- everrr. One day, I told her my secret, which was like coming out of the closet. I said, "Ahndrea, I want to be an actress." She looked at me like she could suddenly see only the whites of my eyes- "Of course! You already are!"

She wrote a screenplay called "Is It Toast Yet?" How's that for a clever title. She gave me a bunch of parts, and pretended not to mind when I asked her four hundred times how many people thought I was great, even though she kept shrinking the number. She wrote and performed a one-woman show downtown. It was a big place, yet I can't remember the name- fargin Alzies. However, I have never forgotten one of the mannerisms she gave to one of her characters. She was playing a senior citizen- as she was talking, she blew her nose and tucked the tissue into her sleeve. It was so subtle. So true. I love art.

It's a miracle that after all these years we have remained in touch.  I don't think either of us ever tried. It just happens. We would run into each other every couple of years. She told me of her show Variety Shac- of course I went, of course the applause was .  and  then FB has pretty much taken us from 2009 on.  It's pretty cool. It's cool because I've gotten the privilege of seeing this determined gutsy funny woman's journey. Andrea is one of the good ones. Always. One of the hardest workers in the game but like she says in answer to my insecure projection (question 2.)  "Did it ever feel like the impossible dream?" I never saw her sweat, she was always simply working, doing the best at what she knew she was meant to do. No clawing, no competition actually, which is not easy in the showbiz world. Well, there was that one time when she pulled a mild Naomi Camb, but hey, we all have bad days and she did her community service in high heeled hiking boots and a bikini just like the rest of the working hoes. Kidding, obv. She not only sees beneath the wink but adds on top of it a warmth that makes even the biggest oddball feel understood.

Love this pic. Target practice. Pronounced french.

Andrea is perfectly matched to Take Me To Your Mother-she meets people and is not shocked by anything. She is looking to understand and uncover the light, the funny. It's fun. It's wild. It's easy. I couldn't be happier for her if it happened to myself, (but it didn't so fuck her.) Just kidding. This interview has been such a gift. It has made me remember a time in my life I may never have revisited while in a place where I really needed to. Just one more story...as long as I have you here I might as well keep you hostage right?!  Once I called her from San Francisco, I quit my day job to be a Beat. William Burroughs? Meet Wilma. Well, turns out it was the late nineties, I missed the Beat generation, by 30 something years- oops. Ok, plan B.  I wanted to try stand up- only I had two obstacles. I couldn't leave my apartment and I had no material. I had time to write material, but not leave the apartment. I'd seen a few of Andreas shows at Caroline's. I couldn't understand how she did it; brave, unapologetic, clever and fresh.  I gave her a call. 

"Just write what you're doing and find a comedy club and perform it." Andrea said. "Find an open mic."

"No can do. Just started a diet, I've gained 20 lbs, I can't get out of bed."

"20lbs made you bedridden?"

"Whenever I'm awake I eat-so I'm trying to stay asleep until it falls off." I said 

"Write that. That's funny. Write that. Go tell people that," she said.

"Why?" I thought she had misheard me. I didn't get it.

"Sleeping to lose weight is funny," she explained. 

I didn't get it. See, that's why I had trouble with comedy. People laughed but I didn't know why. Andrea not only knows why, she is the why. AH? I have no idea what that means. Maybe I'll try it out at Governors one night. Now I get it. That is funny.  I'm so happy our paths cross in and out.  My last audition was for a bridesemaid in 27 Dresses. I'm donzo. To see a deserved person you adore live hteir dream...well, there's nothing like it.

Sometimes years go by and then we'll see each other and go, "Oh. My. God. You cuhnt say CUHNT in a restaurahhhhnt."

Here are your 5 questions.  (More like 10 yikes.) Do what you can…;D

1. Since there have been lapses in our conversation- I'm not sure if this remains true, but it seems to me you have been consistently on the path: hard working, hilarious, so kind and totally focused on making it in the world of entertainment and finding your true love. Yes!  We'll get to the love next but did you ever think- this is the impossible dream, I'm going to get a desk job? Did you ever get a desk job?

If waitressing counts as a "desk job", then yes, I spent a looong time selling eggs and hash (with you), steak, guacomole, (I remember that place!!) saucy french food, beer, etceterahhhhh! Those were always survival jobs.(yes!) I was always pursuing comedy/writing/acting. I never stopped doing that. I guess if I thought I could stomach another profession, I would have pursued another profession. But I never thought I could do anything else. So I didn't. I never thought of it as an "impossible dream". I think if I thought of it like that, I wouldn't have been able to continue doing it.

Wow. You just boiled down The Secret into 20 words or less. You rock. Genius finds the easist way to do everything- Mark Twain (I'm guessing.) I am so glad you believed. Yeah,  waitressing is not a desk job- HR, PR, CPR, Insurance sales...maybe? Whose next in line! I was just about to comment on how Insanely tired/ loopy I am- and then I remembered you have a 2 day old baby. Baby love is the best.

2. Speaking of the love. How did you meet your huz? 

I met him on a commercial and I loved him right away. He had just "gotten a girlfriend", and they stayed together for a few YEARS!!!! But we became friends. And eventually the timing worked out. And that was that. He's the best!

3. You said you loved Oprah when she put you in O magazine. Will you feel the same way about SpunkerFLY Woman of The Month? I mean we're kinda similar, no?

4. See how patience comes in handy folks?  I wish this interview was in person, so many openings. OKAY, Is what huz does compatible with your career?

He does a lot of improv and he is super funny and grounded and smart. OMG I think he's a genius. But he's not the kind of smart that makes someone not as smart (moi) feel not as smart. You know what I mean? He just did a pilot. And if it gets picked up, I'm going to buy a Vitamix Blender!!!!

4a)IMPROV! I love improv. Do you remember seeing each other on this Improv audition? The set up was "you're the worst blind date, you arrived ten minutes late-go." You sat down yawned, stretched your arms over your head and said, "Sorry I'm late, I've been hooking all night."  I almost wet my pants. I hadn't seen you in years, but I still knew two things, 1.) I couldn't get enough of you 2.) I didn't get the job. hahah

*  Pilot got picked up!! MARRY ME by NBC! YEEDEEDEEDEE!! Vitamix for you! VITAMIX for me!! I googled it and fell in love. 

5.  What's the biggest surprise about having your own show? Being featured in Oprah? And now Spunkerfly?(hehe) When it rains is pours.  Plus, you are due with your second child soon… I'm tired just asking these questions. You're amazing. I need a nap. 

Exactly! I just love her.

OMG I need a nap! I'm due in 3 weeks and I am zonked. Yesterday I took a 4 freaking hour nap! Okay, yes, I have a tv show. It's a super fun and creative and exhausting process. It's a perfect job for me at this juncture because it has everything to do with where I'm at - it's all about me being an exhausted new momma. Plus, I love meeting people I would never otherwise cross paths with - nudist moms, circus moms , a morgue mom, a hypnotist mom, and more! It's a very DIY show - small crew, no hair and make up/wardrobe - and I like that scale, it's very manageable... Biggest surprise...um I don't know. I feel too sleepy to be surprised by much of anything! 

We emailed this interview 3 weeks ago. I am so happy Andrea had a safe and healthy delivery. A baby boy! He's so lucky.

Thank you so much for being in my life for all of these years. I hope I did a good job. I am bleary eyed, pulled an all nighter. Guilt trip? what would be Mother's day without one.

Andrea, You forever bring a smile to everyone you see, no doubt we will be seeing lots more of you.  You are FLY.  

Happy Mother's Day!! MUAH!! xo

--

Take Me to Your Mother on NickMom

Touch it, feel better

*Dear Mom, 

This you might like: Patience Pays by Yogi Bahjan, but I doubt the rest of the post will appeal to you. Please stop here. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's hard rap music- guaranteed to make you sick. Click away. Befriend your soul. I don't want beef.  Love you, xo, Susan

I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted?! That went fast. For me.

It has been a stressful week. Whoever said raising boys was drama free? They never met the kids in RVC. That's said as if I'm rapping...why?

Driving down commercial strip mall f'nasty Hemptead Turnpike in Hemptead, NY (the "s" is missing on purpose. Yes, it is, y'heard?) Here's what exploded over my speakers and made my week. I was coming back from dropping Hank at his Spanish Immersion toddler program, about to pop on my Yogi Bahjan, Patience Pays, when suddenly I heard "Turn it up." The voice, deep and sexy, was so authoritative I stopped on 105.1 FM and did just that. My head started shaking to the beats. My brain latched onto something other than trying to perceive my son's agony.

Thank you Busta. Or, Mr. Rhymes. You have nothing but my respect. I like the additional rappers on remix III too.  Agro MC's + artistry = turn it up.

Once home, I youtube'd -loved the video...Touch IT ReMIX,  felt better.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDtn_FtU614- watch this. Those cheerleaders in the opening? I could watch them all day. Awl day. "Get low ladies."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYqTrnyUqTs - listen to this.  (*this is the version I heard on the radio however without the explicit lyrics- I'm not for them-they hurt- but...the beats! Nothin' but salve.)

That led to this link below...ahhhh Missy. She cracks me up.  Is it worth it? Yes. Felt better yet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm28EEeyLek

Then that led to this link below.  After that...all was right in the world again. Rap: Who can say boys aren't worth the drama? Never met this boys mama. Iggy Iggy Iggy scratch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWsBirqxEjA- Fallon and Timberlake.

Hope you had a better time of it, no matter, this last one above will make you happy, I'm sure of it. :) xxoxoxoxoxoxo!