Stank So Good

SO. We're driving down to the beach, me and my sons, Colbert (5 1/2) and Julian (3) (baby was home with sitter).  Colbert, who sits in the third row of  the minivan typically shouts me questions like, "Did you know Aniken is Luke Skywalkers Father? Mama? Did you? Answer me, Mama." With an assertiveness I only wish I posssessed back when I was trying to land a part or a better agent or any modicum of respect. But this day he says, "Mama, I'm never going to leave you. Ever." I think, how sweet.
"I'm never getting a job, or having a wife, I'm going to rot on your couch watching t.v. for my whole life." he said.
Hmm, unexpected turn.
"Now, why would you know that's something I wouldn't want?" I asked, because at 5 we haven't addressed him rotting on the couch for the rest of his life.
"Because you hate the Wii and my shows and you only had me so I can buy you a million dollar beach house where you can watch Oprah." He said.
By George, he's daggone telepathic, I think. Should I turn around and hit Atlantic City? If he can read my mind like this, imagine how he can read cards?
"No honey, that is not why I had you," I said, "I had you so you could buy me a MULTI million dollar beach house. and so you can be Oprah."
He cracks up laughing. "told you so, Mama." And then a pause. "You love Oprah more than me." he said. "No, baby." I said.
 "Yes you do, you always want to watch her."
"Well, whenever you come into our bed you sleep on daddio and not me, but I don't think you love him more than me." I rationalize.
"Your armpits smell, Mama." Julian interjects. Sounding bored stiff from his seat directly behind mine. His eyes looking out the window, in a perpetual roll.
"Seriously?"  I asked.
"They stink." Colbert affirmed.
Now, I know my pits stink,. What I didn't know was that anyone else could smell them,. least of all my baby boys and that they talked about them. Now I have to say I've never suffered from body odor, but after I have a baby, for some reason, hormones maybe? For about six months I have this fabulous condition I like to call Stank Pits (that's the technical term). I have to say it's one of my favorite parts of the whole, for me, dredful experience of pregnancy in the fourth trimester. I love it. I probably shouldn't, but, I gotta admit I sneak a wiff now and then and practically get high off my stench. It's SO good. Comparative to leaking an SBD in an elevator and looking around at the faces as they register the smell. I know none of you have ever done that, but ask around or give it a shot. Few pleasures in life compare to the smell of your own gooze (farsi for fart). I'm not sure why and I get totally disgusted when my husband or someone else lets one loose, but my own? Gold. Pure Joy. Okay, this post has taken a detor. I hope it made you laugh. If not, lay a goose and see what happens. It's kind of like the gates of heaven open up and a sound that relates bongs throughout your being. I wish it on all of you. just not anywhere near me. 

Good Week my Larvae!! Cause even gross can be good! xx!!