Song: Don't Take The Girl by Tim McGraw
First, I want to talk about my former Cohort IV Actor's Studio MFA program member, and this year's People Magazines contested Sexiest Man Alive, Bradley Cooper. How funny and ridiculous that people are up in arms over who dons the title. That would totally happen to me, except that I would never be nominated (I can barely get the people I know to so much as put a "like" by my fb blog, nonetheless convince the world they should pay money to see me), but say I was, people would definitely cry "Bullshit!" or at least cough it into their sleeve. Or maybe not, maybe, everyone would be totally behind me, "Yes, she is the sexiest man alive!" Can you imagine? How awful. I think I even saw some banners go up by the Occupy Wall Street people, a cause they are clear on, elbow, elbow. But he won and how great to even be considered?!
He was just another guy in my class. Granted he was rumored to get his hair done by a designer salon and had a deluxe wardrobe, but that he has catapulted himself into super stardom is nothing but nuts. When I see Bradley I don't think, "Wow, sexiest man alive" I think, "Holy crap, Bradley? How the hell did he do that?" It takes so much to even get an audition. To get some perspective think about every movie you've ever seen and every extra in it. Think of a stadium scene in one of them, everyone of those extra's wants to be the star. Then think of every show, every commercial...
We weren't tight, but I remember in our third year of grad school, him telling me he wanted to quit because he had gone on about forty auditions in that week alone and hadn't gotten anything, he was scared. I was like, "Pull yourself together, at least you're going on auditions, those people don't even know the rest of us slobs are alive." Well, he sure ran with that advice. So, kudos to you Coop. After working through my pangs of jealousy, it's exciting to see someone reach that kind of success. It not only makes the world smaller, but achieving a dream feel possible.
Second, I'm boy crazy. If you are a repeat reader you know that I am the mother of three little boys. Well, two little boys and an infant. I wonder sometimes if God wasn't trying to hammer me over the head with how good boys are, something I never understood before having sons. I mean, let's get clear, I always loved boys, but I considered them as mercurial and naughty as the devil himself. One day he loved me the next day he couldn't remember my name or one day he was cute and washed and funny and the next he was nasty and smelly and lame. Or I'd get the "ew's". The ew's is the experience of waking up to the reality that your prince charming is really a pasty toad.
In my mind boys and girls couldn't have been further apart. Especially since boys had no feelings, at least not the way I did.
And then came Colbert, my first son. I swear rays of golden light shot off of him the second he came into the world. Then, all he had were feelings and his feelings became the center of my life. He just turned six, so I bare in mind that puberty might change things, but right now he and my 3 1/2 year old Julian have the biggest hearts and the sweetest intentions of anyone I've ever known. More than me. Well, now I'm exaggerating, but you get my point.
I'm awakened to a whole new way of seeing the world. I'm almost convinced that the men of my and my friends past weren't beasts, they were scared. I was never taught that. For instance, before a birthday party or when I do the drop off at school I have to give Colbert a warm up talk. It seems he has such anxiety that his stomach knots and he can't speak or make eye contact. So we take deep breaths and discuss our strategy.
"Someone will say hello and all you have to do is smile and say hi back." I say, and then I think a bit, from his point of view, "you know forget saying hi back, just smile, if it's too much."
It rarely works. Whenever I'm with him a bunch of girls run up and say "Hiiiiii! Cole-bert! Heyyyy!". Most of the time, he keeps walking, head straight ahead, his hand squeezing mine. Sometimes though, he finds the courage and musters a nod. Now if I were one of those girls I'd think he was a snotty little boy. But being his mama I know he's simply terrified. New eyes on life I tell ya. A whole nudder perspective, like.
Seeing people working from fear has carried over to all of my relationships, it helps me be more understanding. Sometimes, I can even see where I, myself am connecting to the fear of a situation instead of the truth. But this is very hard, my fear wants to convince me that monsters are real, it wants me to shrink and play small. So usually I need someone to give me a pep talk too. Maybe one day, if I'm a good example, or I tell him the story of Bradley Cooper, it will be Colbert.
I love this song by Tim McGraw, it makes me feel the heart of a boy and how lucky and great it is to be a girl loved by three.
First, I want to talk about my former Cohort IV Actor's Studio MFA program member, and this year's People Magazines contested Sexiest Man Alive, Bradley Cooper. How funny and ridiculous that people are up in arms over who dons the title. That would totally happen to me, except that I would never be nominated (I can barely get the people I know to so much as put a "like" by my fb blog, nonetheless convince the world they should pay money to see me), but say I was, people would definitely cry "Bullshit!" or at least cough it into their sleeve. Or maybe not, maybe, everyone would be totally behind me, "Yes, she is the sexiest man alive!" Can you imagine? How awful. I think I even saw some banners go up by the Occupy Wall Street people, a cause they are clear on, elbow, elbow. But he won and how great to even be considered?!
He was just another guy in my class. Granted he was rumored to get his hair done by a designer salon and had a deluxe wardrobe, but that he has catapulted himself into super stardom is nothing but nuts. When I see Bradley I don't think, "Wow, sexiest man alive" I think, "Holy crap, Bradley? How the hell did he do that?" It takes so much to even get an audition. To get some perspective think about every movie you've ever seen and every extra in it. Think of a stadium scene in one of them, everyone of those extra's wants to be the star. Then think of every show, every commercial...
We weren't tight, but I remember in our third year of grad school, him telling me he wanted to quit because he had gone on about forty auditions in that week alone and hadn't gotten anything, he was scared. I was like, "Pull yourself together, at least you're going on auditions, those people don't even know the rest of us slobs are alive." Well, he sure ran with that advice. So, kudos to you Coop. After working through my pangs of jealousy, it's exciting to see someone reach that kind of success. It not only makes the world smaller, but achieving a dream feel possible.
Second, I'm boy crazy. If you are a repeat reader you know that I am the mother of three little boys. Well, two little boys and an infant. I wonder sometimes if God wasn't trying to hammer me over the head with how good boys are, something I never understood before having sons. I mean, let's get clear, I always loved boys, but I considered them as mercurial and naughty as the devil himself. One day he loved me the next day he couldn't remember my name or one day he was cute and washed and funny and the next he was nasty and smelly and lame. Or I'd get the "ew's". The ew's is the experience of waking up to the reality that your prince charming is really a pasty toad.
In my mind boys and girls couldn't have been further apart. Especially since boys had no feelings, at least not the way I did.
And then came Colbert, my first son. I swear rays of golden light shot off of him the second he came into the world. Then, all he had were feelings and his feelings became the center of my life. He just turned six, so I bare in mind that puberty might change things, but right now he and my 3 1/2 year old Julian have the biggest hearts and the sweetest intentions of anyone I've ever known. More than me. Well, now I'm exaggerating, but you get my point.
I'm awakened to a whole new way of seeing the world. I'm almost convinced that the men of my and my friends past weren't beasts, they were scared. I was never taught that. For instance, before a birthday party or when I do the drop off at school I have to give Colbert a warm up talk. It seems he has such anxiety that his stomach knots and he can't speak or make eye contact. So we take deep breaths and discuss our strategy.
"Someone will say hello and all you have to do is smile and say hi back." I say, and then I think a bit, from his point of view, "you know forget saying hi back, just smile, if it's too much."
It rarely works. Whenever I'm with him a bunch of girls run up and say "Hiiiiii! Cole-bert! Heyyyy!". Most of the time, he keeps walking, head straight ahead, his hand squeezing mine. Sometimes though, he finds the courage and musters a nod. Now if I were one of those girls I'd think he was a snotty little boy. But being his mama I know he's simply terrified. New eyes on life I tell ya. A whole nudder perspective, like.
Seeing people working from fear has carried over to all of my relationships, it helps me be more understanding. Sometimes, I can even see where I, myself am connecting to the fear of a situation instead of the truth. But this is very hard, my fear wants to convince me that monsters are real, it wants me to shrink and play small. So usually I need someone to give me a pep talk too. Maybe one day, if I'm a good example, or I tell him the story of Bradley Cooper, it will be Colbert.
I love this song by Tim McGraw, it makes me feel the heart of a boy and how lucky and great it is to be a girl loved by three.
