House Hunters Senseychelles! and a Video Clip of my audition. Yikes.

*when I previewed this my click on links were only showing as light gray instead of the obvious bright blue, so If you see light gray or faded gray type, that's a link...click on it if you want. *

HGTV's House Hunters International is a great way to find relief from The Real Housebyatches while fantasizing about living in a majestic farmhouse in the south of France for $260,000., instead of wondering if every interaction you have with your girlfriends ends in being verbally torn to shreds behind your back. Talk about a win-win. 

There are a variety of House Hunter shows, there's plain House Hunters who are persons searching for properties in various parts of the United States. I'm not even posting a link. A lot of these folks are not dropping big dollars, just FYI, so if you're interested in shopping for a mid-range splanch in Seattle, that's your baby. For my money, there is only H.H. International. I'm an escapist with no budget and big dreams who loves learning about foreign lands surrounded by sandy beaches. Being transported with a young surfer family to the Seychelles and deciding amongst several waterfront properties with a pool and a staff, fully furnished for less than I'd pay for an unheated garage on Long Island, is my idea of a good time. I'm also partial to House Hunters Million Dollar Buyers, those are harder to come by.  Selling L.A. is a great one for swanky pads, major budgets, glib agents and mostly young buyers, as is Selling New York, I love watching those jerks.

But you may find that Property Virgins is your bag. That's where people enjoy watching first-time cash strapped home buyers walking around saying things like, "Well, she didn't love the kitchen." and "We were hoping for more of a walk-in." "He's not prepared to go up another thousand." That doesn't do it for me, but, like I've said, I'm into fantasy, big enchiladas, lots of cheese. You may have a more practical nature.

Either way each couple is shown three homes to decide on. We watch them kick the bricks around all three and then at the end they decide, in drum roll fashion, which one they are going to buy. It's fun to guess.  And love them for guessing right (picking the one I wanted) or call them morons for picking wrong (the one my husband wanted). Finding that they picked the one you knew they were going to pick but that you yourself wouldn't want to be in eyeball distance of also satisfies.  I just learned through this gals blog, Hooked on Houses, that some of it may be a sham. Meaning, some of the couples may have already purchased one of the three homes before the episode was filmed. This doesn't bother me. I am hooked on houses. Especially far off ones, with beaches oh, and surfers. Hey, I'm married not dead. Wink, wink. Up top.

On another note...I mentioned that an agent requested seeing me "on tape". I was happy to but there were three obstacles 1.) I hate seeing myself on tape. 2.) I hate listening to myself on tape. 3.) I did not know what such nebulous phrasing meant, nor what the word nebulous meant. I decided to speak a short introduction of myself and then to write/sing him a song because I feel like the only time bragging is cool is when its being rapped...

 "Imagine me not workin' hard, yeah right, picture that with a kodak, better yet go to Times Square take a picture of me with a kodak" - Pitbull-por exemplo...

We filmed it and sent it in yesterday. It's got it all, air guitar with finger picking, country music, rap, white woman horrible rapper accent, necklace made of tinfoil, salad dressing and a carrot. Do yourself a favor and watch the great Melissa McCarthy on SNL doing Hidden Valley Ranch if you haven't seen it, (where have you been??) beforehand. IT'S ICONIC and I reference it. I also reference his wifes blog Divamoms.com, thought it couldn't hurt. But then I didn't mean to but sorta imply I'm going to cut his member in half...so it got weird...hey, it happens (shoulder shrug), hope you like it:)

Here's my link its on youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yazQIDBBuTs.

Script.
Free-style Intro.
I'm just gonna tune up here for a second. Meee-mee. Brian, Stern, mee-mee-mee mee, Stern, Brian.
Country singing:
Oh Brian Stern there is so much to do, I can't seem to find my path that's why I need you.
Oh Brian Stern I know you launched J. Hud, did you even get her skinny? Cause now we like her butt.
Oh Brian Stern...wait a second this just...feels ridiculous i need something with a little more pizazz a little more bass, what's this? (pick up tinfoil necklace) yeah, that's it.

Rap a puh puh puh a iggy iggy iggy...
I got kryptonite dreams, silver screen visions,
I need you to hook me up and make some good decisions.

I could host morning like Hoda and Kathie Lee or kill it like Billy and Kit on T.V.
I think I'm serious, people tell me I'm funny, Brian I don't care just show me the money.

I got three kids to feed and a dog to walk,
I gotta do more now than talk the talk.
I put on a Crest White Strip while I'm mowing the lawn
I was feeding a baby when I wrote this song.

Brian I know you've got kids too and a hot Divamom of a wife
Now its time for you to pass me the knife.
I'll slice it, dice it, cut it in half,
No idea what i'm saying just to make you laugh.

Acting, writing it aint' no thing my hubby took note before I got the ring
Ring, ring, call me, Call Me Come Alive!
Forget that put me on Saturday Night Live

I'm like Melissa McCarthy with sex appeal
Sucking down dressing now that's the real deal.
Lorne Michaels, Spielberg- those are my people.

If Hollywood is the church? Then my face is the steeple.
Peace. I'm out. I'm out. I'm out.

Please leave a comment here tell me what your favorite show is, Thanks!