SpunkerFLY Woman of The Month: NickMom's Andrea Rosen

Mother's Day Movie Pick: The Blindside - rent it on demand. 

Song: I love a rainy night, by Eddie Rabbit. I remember my mom singing with us in the satin wagon- with no seat belts or car seats. So fun.  

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms and soon-to-be moms, and to those that miss their moms:) And my soul moms. If I missed a group- Happy to you too! Congratulations Andrea on your newest bundle of joy. 

Pop Quiz! Can you say Mom 30x fast? Our 3 year old can. All day. It's such a blast. Not that kind of blast. The sort of atomic blast that severs my nerves. I could use some SOS in the patience department. Where to turn? Take Me To Your Mother, Nickmom. 

Andrea & cast from (our family fave) Old Spices
Smellcome to Manhood Commercial 

Yet, even the best of us can learn something from Take Me To Your Mother on Nickmom.  Andrea Rosen, new mama of two is the star, with a newborn baby boy. YAY! Congratualtions. On the show Andrea spends time with mothers from all walks of life and talks to them about parenting. What makes the show so fun to watch is Andrea. Alright, I said it. Take Me To Your Mother is great, I love the mom's she meets. However, for me, she's the captain and caboose. No one reacts the way she does, which is the way we'd want to but never be quick enough.   Andrea's eyeballs speak to us in an aside as if we're in the room. It's so funny to me, because it's so her!  Andrea can do that with anything. TMTYM is the perfect vehicle for her warmth, humor while getting to the point. That is not easy. At the exact moment when you think, well you're not sure what to think, Andrea looks over or says something that clears it all up. We're one again. Andrea is like Ellen Degeneres and all of the best comediennes because everybody is in on the joke, or the experience. There's a lot of laughter,  born (no pun) from the humor that comes out of ordinary people doing an extraordinary thing- raising their child(ren).

What doesn't seem ordinary at first are all of the many subsects and brands of mothers out there. Thats where Take Me To Your Mother Takes us. Who knew there were so many camps and styles and practices? Well, okay you did, but do you ever really think about them? Take Me To Your Mother is a way to peak inside, gain some understanding, and feel better, we'll all be okay. Andrea is also in Episodes on Showtime with Matt LeBlanc. She did 3 episodes of it last season and it looks like she'll be back next season. I really couldn't be happier for her. She's one of the good ones. 

How we "met":

I was on the UES going to NYU, my dear roommate had a brother. He not only secured us an apartment, but he got me a job. His friend Sean- (OMG- Andrea, Do you remember Sean?!)  I met Sean the manager at E.J.'s Luncheonette, he schooled me for about 15 minutes on the art of scooping ice cream and making shakes. He stressed the importance of a proper malted. I didn't think he was kidding. An hour later I was in an apron meeting Andrea. I messed up almost every order. Every table got a malted. Andrea helped me scoop, malt, and most of all, laughed me back to health. Once she ordered her milkshakes in a British accent, "I'd lyke two black and whyte milkshakes, now Susan I CUHNT have them malted, I just CUHNT." she said. "Ahndrea, you CUHNT say CUHNT in a restauRUHNT." We thought that was the funniest. Well, I did.  It was a busy place and I had no idea how tight the crew was.  Andrea had me join along anyhwere they went- Come to Swifts, Come to ...I have early onset Alzheimers but wherever it was she included me, and that was huge. They'd all worked together for like- everrr. One day, I told her my secret, which was like coming out of the closet. I said, "Ahndrea, I want to be an actress." She looked at me like she could suddenly see only the whites of my eyes- "Of course! You already are!"

She wrote a screenplay called "Is It Toast Yet?" How's that for a clever title. She gave me a bunch of parts, and pretended not to mind when I asked her four hundred times how many people thought I was great, even though she kept shrinking the number. She wrote and performed a one-woman show downtown. It was a big place, yet I can't remember the name- fargin Alzies. However, I have never forgotten one of the mannerisms she gave to one of her characters. She was playing a senior citizen- as she was talking, she blew her nose and tucked the tissue into her sleeve. It was so subtle. So true. I love art.

It's a miracle that after all these years we have remained in touch.  I don't think either of us ever tried. It just happens. We would run into each other every couple of years. She told me of her show Variety Shac- of course I went, of course the applause was .  and  then FB has pretty much taken us from 2009 on.  It's pretty cool. It's cool because I've gotten the privilege of seeing this determined gutsy funny woman's journey. Andrea is one of the good ones. Always. One of the hardest workers in the game but like she says in answer to my insecure projection (question 2.)  "Did it ever feel like the impossible dream?" I never saw her sweat, she was always simply working, doing the best at what she knew she was meant to do. No clawing, no competition actually, which is not easy in the showbiz world. Well, there was that one time when she pulled a mild Naomi Camb, but hey, we all have bad days and she did her community service in high heeled hiking boots and a bikini just like the rest of the working hoes. Kidding, obv. She not only sees beneath the wink but adds on top of it a warmth that makes even the biggest oddball feel understood.

Love this pic. Target practice. Pronounced french.

Andrea is perfectly matched to Take Me To Your Mother-she meets people and is not shocked by anything. She is looking to understand and uncover the light, the funny. It's fun. It's wild. It's easy. I couldn't be happier for her if it happened to myself, (but it didn't so fuck her.) Just kidding. This interview has been such a gift. It has made me remember a time in my life I may never have revisited while in a place where I really needed to. Just one more story...as long as I have you here I might as well keep you hostage right?!  Once I called her from San Francisco, I quit my day job to be a Beat. William Burroughs? Meet Wilma. Well, turns out it was the late nineties, I missed the Beat generation, by 30 something years- oops. Ok, plan B.  I wanted to try stand up- only I had two obstacles. I couldn't leave my apartment and I had no material. I had time to write material, but not leave the apartment. I'd seen a few of Andreas shows at Caroline's. I couldn't understand how she did it; brave, unapologetic, clever and fresh.  I gave her a call. 

"Just write what you're doing and find a comedy club and perform it." Andrea said. "Find an open mic."

"No can do. Just started a diet, I've gained 20 lbs, I can't get out of bed."

"20lbs made you bedridden?"

"Whenever I'm awake I eat-so I'm trying to stay asleep until it falls off." I said 

"Write that. That's funny. Write that. Go tell people that," she said.

"Why?" I thought she had misheard me. I didn't get it.

"Sleeping to lose weight is funny," she explained. 

I didn't get it. See, that's why I had trouble with comedy. People laughed but I didn't know why. Andrea not only knows why, she is the why. AH? I have no idea what that means. Maybe I'll try it out at Governors one night. Now I get it. That is funny.  I'm so happy our paths cross in and out.  My last audition was for a bridesemaid in 27 Dresses. I'm donzo. To see a deserved person you adore live hteir dream...well, there's nothing like it.

Sometimes years go by and then we'll see each other and go, "Oh. My. God. You cuhnt say CUHNT in a restaurahhhhnt."

Here are your 5 questions.  (More like 10 yikes.) Do what you can…;D

1. Since there have been lapses in our conversation- I'm not sure if this remains true, but it seems to me you have been consistently on the path: hard working, hilarious, so kind and totally focused on making it in the world of entertainment and finding your true love. Yes!  We'll get to the love next but did you ever think- this is the impossible dream, I'm going to get a desk job? Did you ever get a desk job?

If waitressing counts as a "desk job", then yes, I spent a looong time selling eggs and hash (with you), steak, guacomole, (I remember that place!!) saucy french food, beer, etceterahhhhh! Those were always survival jobs.(yes!) I was always pursuing comedy/writing/acting. I never stopped doing that. I guess if I thought I could stomach another profession, I would have pursued another profession. But I never thought I could do anything else. So I didn't. I never thought of it as an "impossible dream". I think if I thought of it like that, I wouldn't have been able to continue doing it.

Wow. You just boiled down The Secret into 20 words or less. You rock. Genius finds the easist way to do everything- Mark Twain (I'm guessing.) I am so glad you believed. Yeah,  waitressing is not a desk job- HR, PR, CPR, Insurance sales...maybe? Whose next in line! I was just about to comment on how Insanely tired/ loopy I am- and then I remembered you have a 2 day old baby. Baby love is the best.

2. Speaking of the love. How did you meet your huz? 

I met him on a commercial and I loved him right away. He had just "gotten a girlfriend", and they stayed together for a few YEARS!!!! But we became friends. And eventually the timing worked out. And that was that. He's the best!

3. You said you loved Oprah when she put you in O magazine. Will you feel the same way about SpunkerFLY Woman of The Month? I mean we're kinda similar, no?

4. See how patience comes in handy folks?  I wish this interview was in person, so many openings. OKAY, Is what huz does compatible with your career?

He does a lot of improv and he is super funny and grounded and smart. OMG I think he's a genius. But he's not the kind of smart that makes someone not as smart (moi) feel not as smart. You know what I mean? He just did a pilot. And if it gets picked up, I'm going to buy a Vitamix Blender!!!!

4a)IMPROV! I love improv. Do you remember seeing each other on this Improv audition? The set up was "you're the worst blind date, you arrived ten minutes late-go." You sat down yawned, stretched your arms over your head and said, "Sorry I'm late, I've been hooking all night."  I almost wet my pants. I hadn't seen you in years, but I still knew two things, 1.) I couldn't get enough of you 2.) I didn't get the job. hahah

*  Pilot got picked up!! MARRY ME by NBC! YEEDEEDEEDEE!! Vitamix for you! VITAMIX for me!! I googled it and fell in love. 

5.  What's the biggest surprise about having your own show? Being featured in Oprah? And now Spunkerfly?(hehe) When it rains is pours.  Plus, you are due with your second child soon… I'm tired just asking these questions. You're amazing. I need a nap. 

Exactly! I just love her.

OMG I need a nap! I'm due in 3 weeks and I am zonked. Yesterday I took a 4 freaking hour nap! Okay, yes, I have a tv show. It's a super fun and creative and exhausting process. It's a perfect job for me at this juncture because it has everything to do with where I'm at - it's all about me being an exhausted new momma. Plus, I love meeting people I would never otherwise cross paths with - nudist moms, circus moms , a morgue mom, a hypnotist mom, and more! It's a very DIY show - small crew, no hair and make up/wardrobe - and I like that scale, it's very manageable... Biggest surprise...um I don't know. I feel too sleepy to be surprised by much of anything! 

We emailed this interview 3 weeks ago. I am so happy Andrea had a safe and healthy delivery. A baby boy! He's so lucky.

Thank you so much for being in my life for all of these years. I hope I did a good job. I am bleary eyed, pulled an all nighter. Guilt trip? what would be Mother's day without one.

Andrea, You forever bring a smile to everyone you see, no doubt we will be seeing lots more of you.  You are FLY.  

Happy Mother's Day!! MUAH!! xo

--

Take Me to Your Mother on NickMom

Touch it, feel better

*Dear Mom, 

This you might like: Patience Pays by Yogi Bahjan, but I doubt the rest of the post will appeal to you. Please stop here. There's nothing wrong with it, but it's hard rap music- guaranteed to make you sick. Click away. Befriend your soul. I don't want beef.  Love you, xo, Susan

I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted?! That went fast. For me.

It has been a stressful week. Whoever said raising boys was drama free? They never met the kids in RVC. That's said as if I'm rapping...why?

Driving down commercial strip mall f'nasty Hemptead Turnpike in Hemptead, NY (the "s" is missing on purpose. Yes, it is, y'heard?) Here's what exploded over my speakers and made my week. I was coming back from dropping Hank at his Spanish Immersion toddler program, about to pop on my Yogi Bahjan, Patience Pays, when suddenly I heard "Turn it up." The voice, deep and sexy, was so authoritative I stopped on 105.1 FM and did just that. My head started shaking to the beats. My brain latched onto something other than trying to perceive my son's agony.

Thank you Busta. Or, Mr. Rhymes. You have nothing but my respect. I like the additional rappers on remix III too.  Agro MC's + artistry = turn it up.

Once home, I youtube'd -loved the video...Touch IT ReMIX,  felt better.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDtn_FtU614- watch this. Those cheerleaders in the opening? I could watch them all day. Awl day. "Get low ladies."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYqTrnyUqTs - listen to this.  (*this is the version I heard on the radio however without the explicit lyrics- I'm not for them-they hurt- but...the beats! Nothin' but salve.)

That led to this link below...ahhhh Missy. She cracks me up.  Is it worth it? Yes. Felt better yet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm28EEeyLek

Then that led to this link below.  After that...all was right in the world again. Rap: Who can say boys aren't worth the drama? Never met this boys mama. Iggy Iggy Iggy scratch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWsBirqxEjA- Fallon and Timberlake.

Hope you had a better time of it, no matter, this last one above will make you happy, I'm sure of it. :) xxoxoxoxoxoxo!

Tell Meeeheehee!

Song: The Power of Two- Indigo Girls

Here's how I first knew he was funny. He woke up in the middle of the night, crying. He was about 18mos. old. No, that's not the punch line. I'm yet to be that sick and twisted, but gaining. So don't lose hope.

Earliest picture  I could find
of us on this computer.
 (July, 2010)

I went into his nursery and pulled him into my arms, he continued to cry. Colbert never cried. Never, never, never. Very rarely for milk when an infant but other than that he slept seven to seven. I thought we could be a skit on SNL- The Worlds Most Annoying Parents. "Your kid cries?! In the night?! What's that like?!" (Don't worry we got paid back severely with the other two. Severely. Still.) Back to numero uno. Really he never cried. I actually thought he might have that thing where a person doesn't feel pain. He'd trip sending his body cracking onto the ground hard enough to make every soul in the room wince. He'd hop up, "I'm fine, I'm fine." Knees scraped, palms raw. "I'm fine, I'm fine." Anyway, so it was unusual for him to be crying. I cradled him in my arms and we rocked in the "glider". Remember those?! Ha, oh my gosh. I had mine reupholstered! BAHAHAHA. It all feels so long ago, I guess it was.

I'll never forget the night. It was raining. The sound of the drops hitting the windowpane were as soothing as my voice would be to my sons first midnight cry. Cozy as defined. I believe I must have been relieved he was crying. I know I enjoyed being up with him in the night, the one who got to be there.

I figured he had a nightmare.
"Tell me," I said. I had the gliding foot-rest too. I could not coordinate myself to rock both the chair and footrest in sync. This was probably reflected in my tone, failing our moment. "Tell me why you're crying?"
He continued to cry.
"Tell me," I said, sing song-ish.
More crying, eyes closed. Again, with the glider-chair and the glider-footstool-spastically jerking us around. I ditched feet-up, went with legs dangling. Much better. Damn gliding footstool. Deep breath, gentle tone. "You'll feel better if you tell me. Tell me."
He kept crying.
"Tell me," I said, pleading. I didn't want to use complicated language he was an early talker, but "tell me" seemed the best directive, given the time of night and emotion. He was my first, I was a pro.
More crying.
"Tell me," I said.  The undertone saying, I'm your mom, of course you can tell me."Tell me, you can tell meeeeee?"
And then he spoke through the bubbling boogers under his wee nostrils.
"Tell Meeeeeeheeeeheee," he said. And he started laughing as if I were tickling him, mimicking my soothing tone with pitch perfect inflection."Tell meeeeeehheeeee. Tell. Meeeeheeeeheeee."

He was mocking me. My mouth dropped open. I stared down at what looked like Laughing Buddha with open eyed amazement. A wise-ass. Wait a minute. Could a baby be a wise-ass? Well, he mimicked me and felt better. So...you do the math. Chip off the ole block.

Fewer moments have felt as proud.

Do you have a proud moment? Tell meeeheeee;)

XX

B- Roll

Song: Born This Way: Lady Gaga

*My apologies for disjointed photo configuration, getting the pictures up took 3 un-thankable hours and this is the result. Editors please apply:) Continue to scroll ALL the way down. :D


I'm here!  I can't believe it's been three weeks since I've posted. My innards were churning. What's an innard? Who cares. I feel disappointed with myself when I procrastinate which only leads to more procrastination. Does this happen to you? Vicious cycle. But I'm breaking it. Ta-night:) I can't believe we've gotten almost 600 views since last post?...12, 744 to 13, 266.  Well, I haven't been doing math...but that seems about awesome. Thank you!

Wonder where I have been? Take three guesses? Times up. Bowling. Yep, yep, you heard right. Our little Henry-who has become a legit Hank-is obsessed with bowling. Bowling and Hank? They go together. Bowling, Hank, chances of a posh girlfriend? Slim odds there. But hey, I can live with that;) I'm betting I'd rather live with that.

A word on Hank.

His head was smaller than this flower

I remember some Crazy Lady said to me during the first week of my most beautiful, glorious sons life, "So, what's a nickname for Henry?" Then before I could offer up Harry as wanted, she shouted and cackled,  "Hank!" She might as well have taken a pocket knife to my babes angelic cheek. My upper lip curled under into a face that said, I will chew you. "Sure, as long as I can call your kid Carpenter Crack?" I asked. She looked defeated, but just to make sure I was clear (and crazier than she was)  I added, "Henry is never going to be Hank." Hi nuts! Hi. Hi hormones! How are you today? Making friends as usual? Yep. Nope.

Never say never. Although I can't say I'll get it monogrammed on his lunch box, Hank is who he seems to be. What a lesson there. She who was Crazy Lady now appears to be a prophet. He loves it. He calls himself Hank, he sings to himself, "Hey Hankie, Hankie, I'm calling your name." It's the cutest thing I've ever never thought I'd want to hear. The more I see him operate in the world, that he is Hank makes perfect sense to me. He knows his own mind (bulldozer.) He curls his hair down like Elvis. Plus he's OBSESSED with bowling. There's lots more about him on top of those three that feel more Hank-ish than Henry...I don't even know where we got Henry from? Oh, yes, I was leaning on Harry and Danny thought, being half-Persian and hairy he had a good chance of being called Hairy Harry, so he picked Henry. By our third child, I'd seen the many sweet offspring of our friends and family. I learned we fall in love with the baby not the name. Whatever name he picked we'd love. Plus, I was really into The Tudor's then Henry VIII and all that. Sure, I'll have a King. What's in a name? Yet, would a Hank smell as sweet? (*See Shakespeare. Knowledge drop.) I wasn't sure. Hence, nipping Crazy Lady in the bud.

Back to Bowling

begging to bowl

Santa Claus made Henry a set of plastic bowling pins for Christmas. It was clear they were from Santa's workshop because they were synthetic and made in China. He's been bowling ever since. He carries the pins with him everywhere. Any part of the house is a bowling alley; the stairs, the basement, the bathroom and his favorite-my bed. When he's not bowling all over the house-he's watching himself bowl on my phone from the videos I take. If he's not watching himself bowl, he's virtually bowling on the WiiU.  First choice however, is the bowling alley-RVC Lanes, in Rockville Centre. That's our jam. He asks to go everyday. If I say not today, he transforms into Hankenstein. How can I who has so little at stake here at home deny Hank his crown? How important are my daily tasks, my piddling aspirations? VERY. MOST. VITAL.

aw, c'mon, my bowling! 

We are there 4x a week. I told him it was closed on Fridays. Last Friday, I woke up to him curled up around my face, gently brushing the hair off of my forehead, shaking his head sympathetically side to side. He was saying, (in his perfect english with a strong east Asian accent speak,) "Mama, I'm sorry, it's Friday, bowling is closed today, I'm so, so, sorry Mom." He had tears in his eyes. For me! I wanted to come clean. I wanted to sing to the tune of Evita, "Don't cry for me Argen-Hankenball, I lied about Friday's, it's actually not only open... but half price!" Instead I re-decided that another day at the alley would break me.  So I kept mum. Can you say "selfish, lying dream squasher"? Well, don't say it to me. I can't imagine even one of you larvae doing three days in a row in any alley, no less four, unless it had fake handbags in it. Huh? Who am I talking to? Forgive me. Momentary lapse.

works every time! 

notice anything? like my strike?!

I can carry my own balls!

Strike! 

Holding a real pin! 

Bowling bag

Selfies!

Summer leagues! 

Waiting with the Senior Birds

How sweet, my little Hank. Ugh, he breaks my heart.  On Thursdays RVC Lanes has a senior group, the Senior Birds play every lane until noon. Hank was verging on Hankenstein. He'd wanted to bowl since 6am. Just when I thought he was going to knock an 86 year old man out with a bowling ball to the knees, he turned to me and said, "Mama, I'm SO HAPPY TO BE WITH MY BOWLING!"Anybody at any age being that sincere, that passionate, that loving breaks me up- but my baby at almost three desperate for bowling? Knowing that all that Friday means is "bowling is closed." Come on. Who turned on the lights?

I love to dream but I never dreamed I'd be spending huge chunks of time in a bowling alley. Never once. Even as the mother of three boys-I figured the odd birthday party, a rainy Saturday. But as a sport? Nein. I guess I figured lacrosse, soccer, football, well not really. I'm not a fan of standing or sitting sideline on athletic fields in general, cold, windy, portable chairs? Other parents? No, not my bag. I must have blocked that out with the use of spiritual books by Eckhart Tolle. Staying in the now is swell for denial. Puppet theatre! Music! Costumes! I'd likely not get a shot at my artsy fartsy things. Hiking! Surfing! Skiing! Skate parks! Those I could get down with! However, I gotta say, I loved football with my eldest because he did. And now I love bowling. I'm a bowling mom. It's warm in there. It's rather anonymous, for now, no teams (leagues?), no traveling. Everyone there knows him, they call his name, welcome us. Then they throw up the guard rails, set him up with a dragon toddler ramp, put his name (Hank) up on the board and disappear. I sit at one of four swivel seated chairs attached to a table. Hank pushes the ball down the dragons back hurling toward a strike. And he's happy. And I'm happy. We heart RVC Lanes. The music's playing, the pins are crashing. Free Wi-Fi. No one cares or knows if you're there. But what makes RVC Lanes so special is the people behind the counters. They are so nice. I recently saw an article in Newsday where the owners have even dedicated a spot for teens to hang out with flat screens, wi-fi, and comfy couches. Check that out. *We are gone by then so no worries on killing the cool factor guys...

Set from TheLandofNod.com ($60)

I figured he'd be over bowling in a week. Well, wrong again. His enthusiasm has never waned. Over the full length of the winter-(a substantial period considering 30 minutes usually counts as a career), he managed to dent every plastic pin so they now share the appearance of starched tube socks. Thick and white at the bottom-two circles of red tape at the top. Hankie earned himself an upgrade. The Land of Nod.com did not disappoint. What a set. He's more dedicated than ever. Hank. The name is just as sweet. Love to spare;)

Happy son, happy mom:) xx