Questions & Answers

Self portrait
12/23/11

Songs: Those Were The Days, by Mary Hopkins
           Good Life- One Republic


What a year.  A triumvirate- our third baby was born, eight days later my Dad died, then three weeks later Oprah went off the air. And that was just May.

I'm still not sure which of the three had the biggest impact on me. For sure, sweet baby Henry John brought me the most joy. Oprah going off the air brought the most joy to Danny. And my Dad, John G. passing over to the other side fulfilled the promise of joy to him, albeit certain sadness for us.


It was a tough and tenuous year. A good year. Someone once said there are years for questions and years for answers. This year held both. June brought the beginning of this blog and the end of a few friendships. An answer. July brought new friends. Trip to Charleston, SC, delicious hip food, great mossy oaks, hundred degree heat. Questions, answers. August slipping into bad old habits, questions. September reaching out, questions. He has a girlfriend, I'm married. Answer! Birthdays, trips, first teeth, first playdate, first grade. Packing up the childhood home, reflecting on old photographs. Instead of looking for myself in the frames as a not-born-yet, as a baby, as a toddler, seeing for the first time my parents as new parents, new homeowners, newlyweds. Answers. September eleventh ten years. Questions. Answers.  Running, writing, ruminating. Laughing with old friends, reconnecting, smiling through tears, tears of questions, tears of answers, tears for fears. Seven year anniversary, you're still here? I can't believe how lucky I am that you're still here with horrible me. I can't believe how lucky you are that you're still here with the great I am. Our twenty year high school reunion. Everybody the same, everybody different.  She has a biopsy. He's sitting up, he's cruising, he says Da-da. He's seven months old, he's been gone for seven months now. Reaching out again, he still has a girlfriend, I'm still married! Hello, Goodbye. It's cancer. Great music, more writing, 160 views a week, how deep will be my mark?  Agent-rejection, self-acceptance. Trip to LA. Acceptance, acceptance. Questions, answers. Picking up, putting down. Holding on, letting go. Thanking God. Humility. Full bellies. Full circles. Full stops. The missing friends sent me Christmas cards. I sent the missing friends Christmas cards too. She's going to beat it. Welcome 2012. Beat that.

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