Loss of a Pet - Telling the Kids

Song: The Kids Are Alright - The Who

Part II - Telling the Kids

After we put our cat, Cat, to rest- in a recyclable paper bag- two feet under in the backyard- we immediately thought of how to tell the kids.  Well, I was thinking, how to tell the kids and Danny was set on not telling them anything.  I'd grown against that.  Danny didn't grow up with pets but we were raised with everything from a rabbit to parakeets (as well as the old standards; goldfish, cats, dogs.)  When a pet died this is how I remember the breaking news...

"Where's Fido?" Let's say I'd ask my mom. 

"Who?" 

"Our dog. Fido?" 

"Oh, he's in the basement." 

"Nah, he's not. I looked." 

"Check outside, or in the garage."

Fido was never in the basement, or the garage, or outside.  

"Is Fido gone?" 

"Ah, stop," she'd laugh, like I was inventing things, "I'm making chicken cutlets for dinner.  Go grab me a pan."

Um? Are you sure you don't want to make bananas?  Cause that's what this is.  Bananas.  

I used a similar strategy when we had to put our dog to sleep after hurricane Sandy, actually it was after the Nor'easter, a week after Sandy.  She came to live with us a year and a half ago prior-

Girlie on her 12th birthday

she was my parents dog.  She was really old and awesome.  Such a good girl and that's what we called her, good Girlie. That's a whole nuther story... but after she went, I told the kids "we took her to an old age home to be with other old dogs".  They were confused.  Lies make a person confused.  Little people anxious.  I felt horrible.  The questions never ended.   I made a lot of cutlets.  I told a lot of lies. 

With Cat passing, I thought it an opportunity to try a different approach.  The truth!  

I googled my case.  I showed Danny different websites to prove that it was best to sit the kids down as soon as possible and tell them the truth. "Look, KidsHealth.com, it's all here." I said, pushing my laptop in front of his face.  "Yeah, no." he said.   Danny thought we went to sleep without a decision but my mind was made up before I put the case to trial.  You know how we do. 

In the morning as the kids were getting ready for school,  I grappled with the timing- what if they got really upset and then had to sit in school?  We had about twenty minutes before the window would be shut and we'd be living with lying for another day.  I can talk myself out of anything.  Okay, we're going in.  We got them on the couch and told them the cat was hit by a car during the night and went to heaven.  Colbert, 7, cried easily- wiping away tears he said, "Okay, hope it didn't hurt too bad."  Julian, 5,  looked sad as he yawned, stiff upper lip:/.  Henry, 2, had already left the room. 

We went out to the backyard and showed them the small burial site we had made.  We had placed a conk shell on top of fresh dirt.  We stood there for a few minutes talking about heaven and God and how happy the cat was.  I found the field mouse from the "little game" Cat and mouse had Monday night and placed it near the shell, they liked that.  We took our procession back inside.  Colbert asked if he could place flowers on the grave, we said that would be lovely.  

"Mom," he came running in, "come see what I made for Cat." 

He had placed a ring of Cherry blossoms from a nearby tree and a tulip from the garden around the conk shell and the young mouse.  He was so proud of himself and we were so proud of him.  And that was it...it's a week later and there are no questions, no lingering confusion, no lying.  I haven't had to give anyone eyeballs when they ask about the cat in fear of the kids "finding out".  We will find a new kitty soon, and this time when the kids name him, I'm going to stick with it no matter how many syllables...Cat was a generic name with a unique place in all of our hearts.  There he will stay.

***Next week a story of champion endurance shared by a friend and world class swimmer Lori King.  Her triumph in a race where she endured 4 foot swells, chop, 12 hours and sea life...and by sea life,  I mean sharks.  Sharks...