The Fifth Agreement

Many of you liked The Four Agreements post best, and by many of you I mean my mom. This week had me thinking on trust in friendship. I hope you will take any of my posts and apply them to your own life.

Trusting yourself and trusting others. When to stay in, when to walk out. That is a big question and weakness for me. We need to learn to forgive ourselves and others for saying and doing careless things. We all do it. Well, all of you do it. I’m perfect. That's the fifth agreement. Be Impeccable With Your Word. Don't Take Anything Personally. Always Do Your Best. Susan Saraf is Perfect. (and so are you:)

Here’s an excerpt directly from pages 58-59 (I had a hard time stopping its all so good)

            “When we really see other people as they are without taking it personally, we can never be hurt by what they say or do. Even if others lie to you, it is okay. They are lying to you because they are afraid. They are afraid you will discover that they are not perfect It is painful to take the social mask off. If others say one thing, but do another, you are lying to yourself if you don’t listen to their actions. But if you are truthful with yourself, you will save yourself a lot of emotional pain. Telling yourself the truth about it may hurt, but you don’t need to be attached to the pain. Healing is on the way, and it’s just a matter of time before things will be better for you.

            If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.

            When you make it a strong habit not to take anything personally, you avoid many upsets in your life. Your anger, jealousy, and envy will disappear, and even your sadness will simply disappear if you don’t take things personally.

            There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. …The whole world can gossip about you and if you don’t take it personally, you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don’t take it personally, you will not eat it. When you don’t take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you.”

That last line seems out of step with the proliferation of love but hey, if you're looking for a motivator...

Good week! xx

The Four Agreements

Repost- Originally published July 7, 2011

I know I shouldn't because everyone is but I just can't not. Casey Anthony. I mean, seriously. I don't know if she did it or not, I wasn't there (seems that's where you needed to be in order to convict) but shouldn't her not caring, in fact partying for the MONTH she didn't know where her toddler was be punishable by...I don't know...death?! Or at least something? If I lost my child for twenty minutes, I'm telling everybody, I'm a bereft basket case,  not to mention a day! Thirty days! I'm not drinking, partying, posing for pictures with people in da club, like Holla! Let me rephrase that, if my neighbors kid was missing for a day, I'm not partying. I don't even think I could have a bar-b-que if my neighbors kid was missing, maybe after two weeks, but even then- am I turning the music up? Game time call. Criminal.

Oy. So in a world where family can be counted on to test our strength, coupons seem impossible to figure out and sociopaths roam free, here's what I read to gain peace and understanding:

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. His teachings are not easy to live by, but they can make living life easy.  (And if you can buy a few copies and get that dream to come true- that the people you want to change will take the hint - life is even easier!) Some genius said, Genius finds the easiest way to do everything. Go be a genius. Make your life easy easier.

These are the four agreements (he's also added a fifth...but that's... later.)

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word. (Use your words in the direction of truth and love. Your word can create heaven on earth but it can also create hell. Also silence is deadly. Be brave enough to show up and express yourself.)

2. Don't Take Anything Personally. ANYTHING, anything. Everything people do is because of themselves and their point of view. It's never about you. Someone calls you a terd, its about them, someone tells you you're a goddess (I get that alot), its about them. Someone doesn't call you back, it's about them (oh, no strike the goddess this is the one I get alot).

3. Don't Make Assumptions. (We don't know what is going on, ask questions instead of making assumptions.)
Sample conversation:

"You didn't call me back- what? You's think I have flee's?"
"No I was getting a haircut."
"Oh, so glad I asked ya's, how's it look?"
 "Decent."

4. Always Do Your Best. (You can't ask yourself for more than that.)

So this is my feeble summary, in no way do I do it justice (hey, I kind of feel like a Florida juror). But I hope I teased you enough that you buy the book, even if you use it once, its worth it.  Hint. Hint. <3